The Avengers
by George Lucas Official
Summary: Bruce Banner sets out to help Peter Parker join the Avengers!


Avengerz I

The cherry-pimping rocket red Ferrari ride of Bruce Banner blazed through the streets of New York, leaving a wake of tire marks on the roughly hewn cement roads. Although the intelligent gamma radiation doctor knew how risky this could be in driving at speeds such as this, he was also a man of fun. Most of his friends referred to him as "Dr. Fun" during their afternoon tea sessions.

"Comin' at ya baby!" Banner wolf-whistled to a nearby passing cougar who was busking her body for a few scrap coins. His automobile sent a heavy splash of sewage water flying at her and her skimpy clothes. Banner laughed viciously in screeching down ever faster into the ghetto district of New York City.

He slowed his automobile down as he eyed a pair of no gooders selling some of the newfound crystal meth that was making its way round town. He let his car rumble as he approached the duo, who salivated at his hot n' slick piece of ride.

"Howdy there, sailors," Banner said in winking, "mind you spare a piece of that meth yonder that way!"

Banner had been practising his street slang for this moment. He only hoped it would pay off.

"What you want, cunt?!" one of the hooded gangsters fired back with spittle flying from his mouth. From what Banner could tell, the child looked no older than 15.

"Some of that new-fangled methamphetamine!" Banner whipped with his voice.

The kid's partner shook his head and stalked off slowly. Banner grinned a mighty grin and bunny hopped out of his convertible and into the streets. He approached the kid standing with his hands in his pockets, an apprehensive look on his tender visage.

"What's your name, sir?" Banner asked with a lolling tongue. The kid glanced as Banner's crotch, then back at his face.

"Parker, bitch! Peter motherfucking Parker! Ugh!" Peter let loose a fly of some sort of sticky material from his sleeves. His face went beet red as he tried to conceal the slip up. But the damage was done. Banner had seen all that he needed to see.

"No need to hide your little accident...it happens to the best of us…" Banner gazed deeply into Peter's eyes as a precious tear ran freely from his eye.

"I can't control it...every time my nono area gets tingly..." Peter's bottom lip trembled as he rushed unapologetically into Bruce's fatherly embrace.

Banner shushed the quietly weeping boy, holding him tight.

"Let's go get some Maccy's...you want a lil' apple pie? McDouby?"

Peter tinkled a small giggle and nodded his young, untainted head. He locked arm and arm with Banner and they were off speeding down the streets at unconstitutional speeds.

"Tell me about yourself, Peetey." Banner drawled in a single breathless breath. Peter fanned his overheating face like a Chinese schoolgirl and responded in a flurry.

"I...uh….I'm from Queens.."

Banner groaned in amusement and bore his teeth in a strangely seductive manner.

"Queens, eh? Well, we'll soon make an example out of you…"

Peter's eyes snapped wide open. _What?_ Make an example out of him? Before he could begin to protest, Banner turned sharply to the right towards the river.

"Here's what's gonna happen," Banner said as he strapped on a heart rate watch to his wrist, "I'm going to drive straight towards that river, and if in ten seconds you do not get my heart rate up to 200 bpm, we are both going to have a wet n wild problem!" Banner laughed insanely, setting the car in automatic and tearing off his seatbelt. "Let's have it, captain."

Peter began to panic. The edge of the road was getting ever more closer yet Banner's heart rate was hovering around the 65 mark. Time to get to work.

Peter tore off his shirt and extended his tongue so to reach his little caucasian pink nips. They erected to a monstrous length of 2 inches once Peter had his way. Banner glanced at these little pokers and felt his blood pump harder.

100 bpm.

Peter stuck his hands to the roof of the ceiling and hung upside down. Using his spider legs, he let his pants fall to the seat below him with a soft thud. All that was left was Peter's bare white ass. But, there was something more.

Peter's asshairs started to work with a mind of their own. Like long tentacle tendrils, they wrapped extended their hairy selves around Banner's neck, throttling the man. One of the hairs, known as Lenny, got lost inside Banner's Cerebral Cortex, and had to call an ambulance for a way out. During all of this time, they had done the trick.

200 bpm.

Peter sighed.

Banner, however, did not. Instead, a series of convoluted grunts came from the man sitting in the driver's seat. Where there was once a white man there was now a green pigmented one. His eyes were bulging, muscles growing, and voice deepening. In a matter of seconds there was now, causing unbelievable strain to the inside of the car, The Incredible Hulk.

Hulky growled and roared and punched Peter in the face so he died.

End


End file.
